is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
