You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
