thus making me awesome and them whores
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's shark week go big or go home
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
