Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He called his prostate his "boner button".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
