Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need moral support for this bender
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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