So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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