How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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