Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
