i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
