Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Randomize
