dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
