Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
