At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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