My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
