Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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