apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
