this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
