if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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