apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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