Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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