I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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