I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Panties = found
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
