this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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