is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
