We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
