dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
