This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
