Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
