No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
