I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
