he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
