do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
