if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
