Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
