she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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