dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
