Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
