Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize