I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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