SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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