found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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