Porn is love you can see.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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