if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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