So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
