did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I only lived at night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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