I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
