I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
