I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
