nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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