I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
