Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
