You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
