There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
