Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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