Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
