I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
