I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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