my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I need moral support for this bender
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
