I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
